Setting a Good Example for our Children

Thomas whispered, "I'm boooored," to me during church today (how can a kid whisper and whine at the same time?), so I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote at the top "Once upon a time there was a polar bear named Bob. . ." and passed it over to him. He was having none of it--he just wrote "The End" and pushed the paper aside. But Uncle Neal, who was attending church with us today to hear Calvin's very first talk--he did a great job!--took the paper and started writing. Here's what happened next:

(Sherise) Once upon a time, there was a polar bear named Bob. . .

(Thomas) The End

(Neal) He was one day scavenging for food when a surfacing Russian submarine crashed through the ice.

(Paul gets into the act) One of the Russian sailors needed to use the bathroom quite badly and jumped out of the submarine and onto the ice field right in front of Bob.

(Sherise) "Ewww!" said Bob. "I thought only bears did that out in the open!"

"Wow, a talking bear!" cried the sailor.

(Thomas sees that this is actually kind of fun) "Uh oh," said Bob. "This is all an illusion."

"Oh, okay," said the sailor.

(Neal) "The illusion is that I'm speaking Russian. The truth? You are speaking BEAR. I've met many Eskimos, but never such a hairy man! And no one who could speak to me."

(Paul) "Give me three reasons why I should not eat you right now," said Bob in his very best Russian.

"Give me three reasons should not shoot you right now," said the sailor in his very best BEAR.

(Sherise) "Well, the first reason would be that you don't have a gun," said Bob, whose Russian was getting better by the moment.

"Oh. Good point," said the sailor, whose BEAR was still shaky at best.

(Thomas) "And my fur is bulletproof."

(Neal) "Let me stop you right there. There is something you should know about me," said the Russian.

(Paul) "Guns and thick hides do not matter," said the sailor. "Without even touching you, I can shoot negative chi through your body using the ancient King Fu technique of Feng-shui," he said in his very best BEAR.

(Thomas) "Boring!" said the bear. "Can I just eat you now?"

(Neal) The sailor thought he was done using the bathroom until he saw black sharp claws extend from Bob's paws. The longest claw, the middle, was at least 12 cm in length. The sailor felt a cold shiver through his body. The chill in his bones was so deep that he could no longer feel the mess in his navy blue trousers.

Fortunately, the meeting ended at this point, so the story stopped before it could go even further down that path.